I started a blog somewhere else once...but I don't remember where. But I feel like it's important to track this journey I'm on, as others may be on it too. I want to remember it myself. I want to look back and see a map.

So, the biggest thing going on in my life is our journey to have a child. We started TTC (trying to conceive) in August of 2006. We made the decision while we were in Savannah, GA on vacation. I knew that there was a chance of infertility because I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). So after about 11 months of trying we were referred to Southeastern Fertility Center. They are awesome, by the way. Very personal, individualized treatment and caring staff. More on them as I blog, I'm sure.

So in August 10, 2007 Hubby and I had our first appointment at SEF. We did some initial testing, scheduled more blood tests, ultrasounds, and a hysterosalpingogram (HSG).

I had my HSG in September and, thank God, all was clear. Also, all my bloodwork and such says that I'm in good health. Just that I have PCOS. So we were planning on doing our first intrauterine insemination (IUI) in October. So, on cycle day (cd) 3 through 7 I took Letrozole to induce ovulation, and returned for another ultrasound on October 24. Well, the results were not promising. I had one little, tiny egg that was too small to really justify doing the procedure on, so we cancelled the procedure for that month. Needless to say I was devastated. I cried the whole hour ride back to work, and when I got there I took my work into an empty room so no one could see my pain. My nurse suggested that I use an ovulation predictor kit to see if I ovulated on my own, and we could TTC that month naturally. I held little hope for this, as I had not ovulated on my own in years due to the PCOS. But I tested anyway, and in less than a week from that appointment, I found out I was going to ovulate on my own!!

So, we TTC'ed on our own in October 2007 and prayed. About a week later, I wasn't feeling "right." I knew it was too early to test for pregnancy, so I waited and hoped. I thought I might have been dreaming up the symptoms. When it was finally time to test, I did....AND I WAS PREGNANT!! I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!!

I called my nurse first thing the next morning to tell her and she arranged for me to have a series of 3 blood tests over the next 2 weeks to make sure my hormone levels were high enough. I couldn't wait!

I went for my first test on November 14. I anxiously awaited the news from the nurse. When I checked my voicemail, I could tell something was wrong from her voice. She said the levels were low, but not to worry, it could just be early. I thought, "Ok, I won't worry. It is still early." But I did worry, and had to leave work. I called my husband and my mom crying. I hadn't even told my mom yet, but I had to call her b/c I was so upset. She prayed with me and reassured me that it would be ok, and I tried to calm down.

Two days later I had another blood test, and my levels had not changed at all. Three days later, I lost my tiny little baby. Although I was only 5 weeks pregnant, I have never felt pain so real in my life. A part of me was lost, and I have never cried so long, and so hard. I can't describe what I felt...just that I thought I'd never be the same.

We decided to try again in December, but we couldn't do a fertility treatment that month b/c the day would fall on Christmas, and the center would be closed.

So, here we are in January and we're on our way to an IUI. I took 5 days of Letrozole, and this month we're adding 3 days of Follistim injections to help me eggs to mature properly and avoid what happened in October.

Tonight was my first Follistim injection, AND I DID IT MYSELF! I'm so proud :-) I've come a long way since I was a kid. I would burst into tears in the doctor's office at the mention of a needle. When I had my school shots, I was kicking so hard that the shot caused a huge knot on my thighs from tightening the muscle while the vaccine was injected. But tonight, I loaded up the cartridge, screwed on the needle, swabbed my leg with alcohol....and injected myself.

Wednesday, January 23 I go for another ultrasound to see how many of my eggies are ready to hatch. I pray that there will be enough, but not too many that we have to cancel the doggone procedure again. At that time, we'll schedule when I'm supposed to give myself a "trigger shot" to cause my eggs to release, and when I'll go in for my IUI. Then, hopefully a few weeks later, I'll be on here saying I'm having a baby!

I know this is a long blog, but for a "cyster" out there about to embark on this journey, this may help. I know I read a thousand accounts of IUIs and such to help educate myself about what I was getting ready to do.

God bless,