Update, and then I'm gonna keep this thing up for real...

So I haven't posted in over a year! I can't wait to update this thing!

After the last post, I got pregnant! I conceived my son on February 27, 2008 and he was born six weeks early on October 10, 2008 due to a sudden onset of pre-eclampsia. It's been a rollercoaster, I can tell you that. I wish I had the energy to document it all here and now, but it's late and I don't.

So DS now has two teeth and can do a host of little tricks like slap his leg (hillbilly style), grab his feet, spit, laugh, squeel, and generally make a bad day good. After his 12 day stay in the NICU, I had a hard time recovering. I suffered from mastitis and post partum depression, but am finally doing better since going back to work.

He's had battles with reflux and one loooong ear infection that resulted in tubes on April 1, 2009. Since then his ears have been great. He also had a brief stomach virus in February that JB, Mom, and Dad managed to all catch within days of each other. I was terrified! And oh yes...the eczema. But I am so grateful to God in all this. My son is beautiful and I wouldn't trade him. I struggle with my fears, anxieties, and inadequacies, but God in His love and grace always sees me through.

I know the apostle Paul said he was the chief of sinners, but I don't know how since I exist. I just have no hope without Jesus Christ. Were in not for Him...I don't know. It wouldn't be good. He has pulled me through all these trials that I've faced and continue to face and I give Him the glory. He truly loves me, and for what I do not know. I am just glad He does.

CD 1

Well, AF showed up today... God is awesome! He really did a miracle this time. Called for my clearing u/s tomorrow on cd 2, my regular nurse is out of town. Not only did God bring on AF, he convinced me to call back after the message I left for my nurse was unanswered, and it was just in time, b/c they were about to stop taking calls! So they pulled my file and have me on the schedule for tomorrow. I trust God will have everything lined up for me. He really does care about me, and I don't know how I could doubt it.

I'm driving the hour drive for the u/s at 6:3o am in the rain on a lonely rural road. I hope I'm safe. God protect us all in this weather. Then, I leave in the afternoon for a work thing out of town that is a 2 hour drive, and I haven't driven it in a couple years so I hope I know the way. God will help me there also. I'm going to be away from DH on Valentine's Day for the first time. I'll miss him a lot. He really is the best DH I could ever ask for. God really blessed me with him and I'm very thankful.

cd 30, 16 dpiui

Well my friends, I'm not pregnant this time. I started to spot last night after lots of af cramps, called the nurse today and told her what's up. She said I don't have to go in for my beta hcg tomorrow as planned, just take a hpt and if negative, stop Prometrium and have af. I'm going out of town Wednesday afternoon. Lord, please, let af come ANY DAY but Wednesday! If it comes on Wednesday I will likely miss my cd 3 appointment and have to skip February. Then in March and April, DH will be out of town during the time we'd likely do our next IUI. Lord God please! Please let this work out. I want to be pregnant so bad!

Please God, in Jesus' Name!

12 dpiui

Today I went to my pcp b/c I've had this stupid cold/sinus infection for 6 weeks. I already did one course of antibiotics...time for round two. Lymph nodes are swollen, low fever...hope this doesn't mess me up.

Bbs are still sore today, more sensitive than they were. Have had normal twinges in abdomen today, but I also had more af-type cramps several times this evening. Hope that's good thing.

DH is acting really weird lately. Just very grumpy, says he's tired. But why is he more tired than usual? And why the crap is he snapping at me? I don't know what his problem is, but it's really starting to hurt my feelings.

11 dpiui, 13 days past trigger shot

Well, tomorrow the trigger shot should officially be out of my system, so if I test tomorrow and it's positive, it's most likely a true positive. HOWEVER, I don't plan to test tomorrow. I want to wait until at least Saturday morning. So I guess I'm about to move past my first mini-mark wrapping up this cycle. How will it end? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!! Now for my daily log of symptoms:

• bbs still sore and swollen. veins are very noticeable, nipples are more sensitive, seem darker, and tingle/itch off and on.
• Occasional abdominal/uterine/ovarian twinges, mostly on the right side.
• A streak of what I think was brown blood in panties. Implantation bleeding?
• Excess watery CM for several days now.
  
• Sinus/nasal issues. Nose very sensitive and sneezing a lot. Don't know if this has anything to do with it.

I really want to test but only have one test, and I don't have the money to get more. Unless we get the cheap ones....

10 dpiui

So...not too many symptoms today. Sore and swollen bbs as usual. A few cramps here and there...pretty moody this morning. I have terrible nasal congestion. I've sneezed so much today I don't know how my nose is still attached.

I'm wondering today if I'm pg? I figured the longer I went along the more symptoms I'd feel. Maybe this is just an "off" day. I really would like to be pg now. I think that I have peace with it, and look forward to a happy and healthy nine months. I know God will look out for me.

9dpiui

Time for my daily obsessing session. I'm sure those around me are glad that I'm doing most (I said MOST!) of it silently online. Symptoms today include slight irritability, some fatigue in the afternoon, breakout on my face, some more cramping and low back pain, and my bbs are more sore than they've been since the iui. So...there ya go. I want to test so bad, but I know it's nowhere near time, and I only have one test left and very limited funds at the moment. So, the guessing game continues.

I have been looking at some really cute maternity clothes. I hope I get to wear them soon!